Super Troopers!

I have had something on my mind for the last couple weeks and it's time to get it off my chest. I have lived in Chicago my whole life and there is something I notice on a regular basis. That is that Chicago Police Officers are out of shape.

I kid you not, I strongly believe I can out run 95% of the Chicago Police Force : The CAPS. I have nothing against the Chicago Police, but they are round. It probably is a side effect of their lifestyles but man, if robbing a place was as easy as out running a Chicago police officer, a lot of places would get robbed. I think a handful of the Chicago Police officers would lose the 50 yard dash in the junior special Olympics.

If that's not bad enough, they no longer walk to street and get some sort of exercise. They are riding their chubby asses around on segways. Which are just as easy to out run. So the obeseness of Chicago Police force got me thinking, If I could have my CRAZY CHICAGOAN POLICE FORCE (CCPF) who would I hire. Let me know what you guys think.

CCPF

1. Usain Bolt - Nobody on this planet would be able to out run him. And he can pick up the smell of marijuana from a mile away/

2. Pacman Jones - My undercover brother. Send him into a strip club, whore house, drug deal and he fits right in. No questions ask. Not to mention he is a good fighter and fast.

3. Rosanne Barr - Master interrogator. No person can listen to this women's voice for 15 mins without wanting to drill their eardrums out. Not to mention she is not much of a looker.

4. Kim Kardashian - Why wouldn't you want her around and in uniform.

5. Bernie Madoff - Master of deception, and can run great fundraisers.

6. Carrot Top- Honestly, have you seen this dude lately. He has to be on some serious steriods. He will add some strength and comedy (someone to laugh at) to the squad.

7. Michael Phelps - Part of our diving / search a rescue / drug unit. Seems like a natural fit.

8. Robocop - He was awesome.

9. A Half - From Cop and a Half, that little kid knew everything.

This is the CrazyChicagoan Police Force, let me know what you guys think..

Crazy C going out for a beer ---

Nicknaming Part 2 - We have a winner

I want to thank everyone who participated in our nicknaming service. We have a clear winner, no need to vote. The person who submitted this nickname will receive a CRAZYCHICAGOAN T-Shirt. Yes I made T-shirts. Logo above is what's on the shirt. Drumroll......................

"Iceman"
submitted by rbrown2697

Rbrown2697 please email me your address, or where you want this shirt sent to, and shirt size to CrazyChicagoan@hotmail.com. They are suppose to come in after labor day, so you should get it in about 2 weeks.

Congrats..

And Congrats to Mike or should I say "Iceman"!!!!

Nicknaming

Hello All! Today I will address the topic of Nicknames, and Nicknaming. Nicknames are something special and funny. Nicknames are bestowed upon people. You cannot give yourself a nickname (Big Poppa / Quarters), you can only earn a nickname.

The NBA has a cool collection of nicknamed players : Flash, The Matrix, The Answer, Shaqtus, Diesel, and the list go on and on.

We also have the celebrity couple nicknames, which are pretty fu*king lame : TomKat, Spidei, Brangelina, and more.

And finally we have our friends nicknames which are usually awkwardly awesome : Bboy, Quarters, Big E, Sweet Baby, The Doo, Pooter, Sensodyne, Doc., Doc Sensodyne and more.

So today I want to do something for a friend of mine, giving back to the world that has given me so much. I want the Crazy Chicagoan and his people (that would be us) to give a nickname to a good friend of mine. We will call him by a generic name: Mike. I will give you a description of him, kind of like a dating website profile (girls don't get excited he is spoken for) and you Crazy Chicagoan will come up with ideas for a nickname, and we will vote until we have a winner.

Mike is pictured above, partying with the Crazy Chicagoan. What would be Mike's Dating profile:

Age Group: 21-29
Body Type: Normal
Height: 5'10
Occupation: Lawyer
Facial Hair: Yes

Interests: Sports, Fantasy Football, Xbox, Poker & Gaming, Amusement Parks, Skillet Cookies (Yum!), Double Dating, Movies(movie minor), Softball Slow Pitching, Girls whose first name and last name begins with B.

Description: Mike is a mild mannered good guy who looks to have fun in his day to day life. He likes to play sports with his nonathletic jewish friends, uphold this country's Constitution in the court of law, and go on dates and adventures with his girlfriend.

What's Different: One thing that stands out about Mike is his girlfriend can probably beat him at most sports. But having said that, it's not Mike's lack of athletic ability, it's his girlfriend abundance of athletic ability.

Okay, now is time for nicknaming, please comment with potential nicknames and reasoning behind it, and the 4 best will be put up for vote.

Crazy C going out for a beer---

IN THE NEWS TODAY...

Hi everyone, I was reading through the news today and came across two very different stories, but both comically ironic.

First story (on espn: http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/news/story?id=4409318)
Headline:

IAAF calls for Semenya gender test

Summary of Story : Basically this female runner from South Africa is awesome, and looks like a dude, so everyone thinks she's a he. And so they are going to give her a gender test. Here is my favorite quote from the story. "

IAAF spokesman Nick Davies said the "extremely complex, difficult" test has been started but that the results were not expected for weeks.

The verification requires a physical medical evaluation, and includes reports from a gynecologist, endocrinologist, psychologist, an internal medicine specialist and an expert on gender.

They are doing a "Gender Test", and they claim it's complex, difficult, and it would take weeks. Pull down the broads pants, look for a wiener, test over. Does it really take a gyno, endocrinologist (I have no clue what that is), psychologist, internist, and gender specialist to figure out of this person has balls or not. On the same note how is someone a gender expert? Can I claim to be a gender expert? I have a pretty good sense on what gender people are.. Just something to think about.

Second Story (on chicagosuntimes.com: http://www.suntimes.com/news/metro/1724076,brookfield-zoo-lawsuit-dolphin-081909.article)

Headline:

Woman suing Brookfield Zoo after fall at dolphin exhibit

Summary of Story: Some women was a dumbass and fell at Brookfield Zoo. That same dumbass women is probably broke so is suing the zoo because she was a dumbass. Quote from the story:

"A Chicago woman is suing the Brookfield Zoo, saying she slipped and fell at the dolphin exhibit last year because employees there “recklessly” encouraged the sea mammals to splash water in the stands at the spectators."

Okay, everyone walks through a hotel lobby, restaurant, etc. and wonders how much they could sue a place for slipping. But nobody actual does it. Except this dumbass woman. First thing, she was the dolphin show at Brookfield Zoo, usually there is water involved with that. Water and walking usually makes for slippery conditions. The best part about this dumbass woman is she thinks the problem was employees "recklessly" encouraging the sea mammals to splash water. HAHAHA... are you serious, have you been to sea world, this is what that dolphins do, they jump over things, do tricks, and splash water.

My question is how do you Recklessly encourage a dolphin to do anything. Damn employees were drinking and telling the dolphins to splash water. Damn employees they must not have been looking at the dolphins when telling them to splash water. Dolphins are going to splash, and cheap dumbass woman are going to sue zoos for stupid reasons.

Crazy C going out for a beer ---

Iffy Stiffy

I recently did a bit of traveling and a couple things puzzled me about airports / airplanes.

One thing I was trying to rationalize is the selling of pornographic material in airports. As we all know there are many magazine kiosks and stores in an airport. You can get any magazine from people, time, ESPN, sporting news. Some magazines that I felt shouldn't be sold in airport magazine stores Playboy, Penthouse, Ebony, etc.

Why would you ever need to look a dirty magazine in an airport, or worse on an airplane.

Gross!

Even if you secretly look at a porn on a plane (great name for a movie) what's going to happen. You will get an "iffy stiffy". The name I give to getting an erection at inopportune time. Girls I know its hard to understand but sometimes you just get hard, and can't control it.

I'm going to put a poll up to vote on the worst iffy stiffy moment, Please vote.

Anyway, you are just going to pull it out and wack it on the plane. Doubtful. Nobody is going to wack it on the plane. Also, what if you do whip out Penthouse after you reach 10,000 miles you think the stranger sit next to you is going to be cool with you looking and girls eat each other out mid flight. NOPE. Porns on planes are no good for anyone.

While we are on the subject. People who have say they are members of the "mile high club". LIARS. Its hard enough for one person to get into an airplane bathroom, let alone two.

Another thing that I noticed while traveling is how awesome SKYMALL magazine is. You can buy anything in that thing.

Top 5 things in SkyMall Magazine:

1) The Impressor - Electronic Meat Tenderizer = Awesome
2) Truck Antlers - What every Redneck needs.
3) The Worlds Largest Crossword puzzle - Perfect or the worlds biggest loser
4) At Home Oxygen Bar - If your oxygen home just isn't cutting it.
5) Zombie of Montclaire Moors - Pretty much a it looks like a Zombie is coming from your lawn, classic.

http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=102876212&c=10510


Let me know your thoughts on these subjects, and please vote on the "iffy stiffy" moments.

Crazy C going out for a beer -----

Beer Review: Coors Light aka. Silver Bullet

Today is going to be my weekly Beer Review: Silver Bullet edition, and I want to talk about my beef with bottle openers.

Coors Light, or the "Silver Bullet" as I like to call it is a delectable beer on cheap side of beers. Its very light and easy to drink, they used to have awesome commercials in which John Elway would play football in the mountains, and he was gigantic. Awesomeness. Coors Light is like the short kid, who is good at basketball, but always gets picked second or third in pickup games due to his height. When purchasing beer, Coors Light is never the first choice, but if you do select Coors Light, you will always be happy with it.

1. Smell: At first crack this beer smells great (4/5)
2. Appearance: The silver bullet has a great light color and perhaps the best can/bottle its silver which is cool and when the mountains are blue you know your beer is cold. (5/5)

3. Ability to Drink Large quantities of it: Comes in 30 bombs, and it easy to lose count of how many you downed (5/5)

4. Hangover affect: Coors Light can lead to a slight hangover, maybe its the fact drink 30 at a time or its the Coors Light, either way its a hangover. (3/5)
5. BS affect: Not going to lie, things could get a little loose and liquidity (3/5)
6. Sex Appeal: This beer does not make you any sexier, but def. could lead to sex. (4/5)

(24/30) Not Shabby!

Okay, a quick note about beer opener key chains. Did anyone thing about what exactly they were producing before they did it. Key chain + Beer Opener......

Key chain holds Keys
Keys start Car

Beer Opener opens beers
Beers lead to stupid shit
Beers and Cars don't mix...

Therefore Bottle Opener Keychain equals drunk driving.

I believe beer opener keychains promote drunk driving. I also believe giving free samples at liquor stores promote drunk driving, public intoxication, disturbing the peace, etc... Therefore if you have a bottle opener keychain, and or have been taking free samples at the liquor store your awesome, but be careful.

Crazy C going out for a beer -----